Eating Disorders

Ugh. I didn’t know what else to title this other than Eating Disorders. Why? As I think I have an eating disorder of sorts and am working through it. The other day Gregg gingerly asked me if I was willing to reach out seek help for anorexia.

I was floored.

My response to him was that I can’t have anorexia–I’m about 15 pounds overweight. What was he talking about? A quick Google search revealed a summary from the Mayo Clinic that included people maintaining a weight that is far below where they should be and they may starve themselves or over exercise to maintain/achieve that weight. I continued to search and found some truth and similarities for eating disorders from National Institute of Mental Health that resonated with me. Things like eating small amounts of food, distress about body shape, extremely restricted eating, and abnormal food intakes. I don’t know when it happened but I do believe there’s something off. I’m not quite anorexic nor am I quite bulimic but I’m not quite right, either.

I’m now committed to getting my mind right. I’ve been analyzing my habits and seeing some patterns that are distributing–but fixable. It’s the “little things” that added up over time and put me in a bad position that I need to rectify. Finding out HOW I feel about food is important. WHY I make the choices I make is invaluable. If I can figure out how this fabric was woven in my mind I can un-weave it, right? Some patterns I have found: if I was going out for dinner then I wouldn’t eat all day; if I ate a handful of fries I would tell myself that I had “eaten horribly” and not eat for many hours; if I ate poorly the night before then I wouldn’t eat the following day. It has been common for me to go for more than 24 hours without eating. On average I have been probably eating about 700 calories a day.

Why am I telling you this? Because I make a living off helping people on their journey to health and wellness and this means you have to trust me to allow me to help you. Honesty tends to build trust. Also, perhaps you have been (or are) where I am and you get me. If you are where I am–then let’s link arms and find our healthy selves again. If you have never been where I am, I still encourage you to follow along as I believe some of the things that I am learning and will share here may help you, too. This photo was taken when I was at my healthiest weight and habits. My goal? To bring her back.