Self Sabotage, Self Loathing & Stepping out of my own way

I’ve just recently learned to like myself. The cool thing is that, yes, you can learn to like yourself and stop hating yourself. Yes, you can push those ugly thoughts aside and find a way to look at yourself and actually smile. The bad news is that it requires a LOT of work. Determination. Perseverance. Oh…and a lot of support. I wouldn’t recommend going down that dark path without backup–some friends or resources that will light your path in front of you, hug you when you need it, and gently encourage you to keep going because you’re worth it.

I’ve spent years in therapy working on me and have invested a small fortune in books. I’ve learned much from my journey and I would do it all again in heartbeat. The path has been long and treacherous and there have been some close calls along the way. Times I’ve wanted to give up. Walk away from the path of change and resume the comfort of the life I’ve lived.

What kept me going? What kept pushing me forward when all I wanted to do is lie down on the side of the road and curl up in a little ball? My kids. I was okay being a complete mess until I had them. Once they entered my life I knew I needed to be healthy. I knew I needed to be more than I was. I knew from my own experiences how powerful the impact a parent has on their child. That what we do as parents will resonate through our children’s lives for their entire lives and travel for generations. The spoken and unspoken words and actions will have a ripple effect that will know no limits and often take a form we never intended. As a mom of two boys, I had to get a healthy relationship with myself so that I could learn to have a healthy relationship with men in general if I was to raise two healthy men.

Beachbody . It’s more than just a tagline-it’s a lifestyle that the successful people embrace and immerse themselves in. The motto becomes a life line when extreme workouts like have you on your knees gasping for breath or when you lose the first pound of the 100 you have to lose. The motto becomes the phrase that you buy into–much like the Little Engine that Could chugged along chanting, “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.” My experience with Beachbody gave me the freedom of knowing that I could do so much more than I ever thought I was capable of. When I graduated P90X I knew that I’d been short-changing myself. I knew that I’d been dogging life; living with reservation and fear. I knew I had to put that habit away and develop new habits. New patterns. New choices. New voices. Here we are again: Decide. Commit. Succeed.

2010 was the “Year of Me.” It was the year that I started taking steps toward becoming the best me that I could be. My business began to take root. 2011 was the “Year of No Comfort Zones.” It was the year that instead of asking, “Why?” when presented with a challenge I asked, “Why not?” It is worth noting that 2011 was the year my business exploded and I’m the happiest I’ve been. Ever. As we enter 2012, it will be the “Year I’m Good Enough.”

You see, 2012 will be the year that I get a grip on what I’m barely hanging onto–or I’m going to totally let it go. Nutrition, exercise, vices, friendships, relationships, time management, money management, and more. My feeling of self loathing has allowed me the freedom to sabotage myself time and again. This will happen no longer. My biggest obstacle between me and the life that I want is me. I’m stepping out of my own way.

I will continue to use the resources that have served me well and am adding a new one that I recommend. It’s a book that I believe will help me continue to polish my soul and further my mission: Push: 30 Days to Turbocharged Habits, a Bangin’ Body, and the Life You Deserve to Live. by Chalene Johnson.

C’mon. This is your LIFE we’re talking about here. What is in it that you don’t want? What is missing from it that you do want? What are you doing to make the changes that are needed? You know you’re worth it…you just have to go do it. Decide. Commit. Succeed.